Grief is a funny thing. Okay well, not funny–Odd. It hardly ever looks like what I expect and it never looks like it did the last time. I certainly have not lost as much (or as deeply) as some people (thank God!) but at the same time, I constantly seem to be grieving something to some degree. A season, a place, friends moving away, a community, home, life changes, or changes in myself. It has become a strange companion. It is just part of the sort of life I live, I guess, where there is constant change. Honestly, I get suspicious when I’m not grieving something. (yeah, yeah, I know. probably not a good sign.)
But grieving loss of life is different. We all live with the threat of death. But isn’t it strange how that isn’t really real all the time? Like, it takes someone dying to really, truly remember it. How can life be so fragile and fleeting and yet so eternal? Losing a loved one (or two) is a different sort of grief. There are a lot of the same feelings, of course–the sadness, anger, guilt, regret, and weight of it all. There is the re-ordering of memories–forgotten and inconsequential things suddenly have sacred value. Things will never be the same again. But perhaps, the difference is the added weight of a soul. And, we might have some good guesses, but only God truly knows how all that actually works out. And maybe it is evidence that people really are what should matter most to us.
I always find myself wanting to give a hopeful ending to these things. It’s been drilled into me, I suppose, by life and God’s lessons. But, I think the best I’ve got is that God is teaching me to love through grief right now. And to receive love too. (That’s just as difficult for me most of the time.) And to remember an eternal perspective.
WanderFull Life 